I watched last night’s Top 12 show absolutely convinced that this would be the season’s worst episode, with one laughably bad performance after another as the finalists coated classic Stones tunes with weak sauce. In truth, it wasn’t as bad as all that. To paraphrase the Dawg, “It was a little pitchy in places, and I’m not sure it was the right song for me for you for me for you.”
Some of the contestants were even, dare I say it, good, though in nearly all cases it was the usual suspects. Most were savvy enough to stick to 60’s era pop tunes and stay away from the rockier numbers that they simply don’t have the stage presence (or the band) to pull off. While that made for better performances, it also made for an odd theme night, as some of the most popular and famous Stones tunes were ignored. Frankly, I was relieved not to hear another Idol massacre of “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction,” but it’s a little odd to have a Stones night and not hear “Start Me Up,” “Brown Sugar,” or “Sympathy For The Devil.” I think the biggest problem the contestants had is that so many Stones songs are blatantly sexual, and very few of them can sing the lyrics without giggling or blushing.
For me, for them, the night featured four standout performances. Siobhan Magnus had the night’s best with her version of “Paint It Black,” a very entertaining if somewhat overly dramatic performance. The beauty of this performance was how many disparate elements she was able to include without making the song disjointed (compared to Didi, more on that later). I couldn’t tell if she hit that last note over the sounds of dogs howling in my neighborhood, but it seemed fine.
The other three very good performances came from (surprise) Crystal Bowersox, Lee Dewyze, and Casey James. Crystal chose the most iconic song of the night, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” and the performance was good if a little safe. She’s obviously in her element with classic bluesy songs and her acoustic, but when she started riffing on the vocals at the end, she got a bit shrill. While many others are ready to anoint her the favorite, I’m not quite there yet — I’m not sure she has the adaptability for themed weeks that don’t play to her strength and I just don’t find her all that likable. On the flip side, I liked Lee more this week than at any time in the competition. His “Beast of Burden” was the definition of safe, but showed off his Rob Thomas-like vocals better than the other songs he’s chosen. Casey was blues-rock Casey this week, and his version of “It’s All Over Now” was fun and understated, but most importantly, totally believable. (Side note: it’s ridiculous that Randy only likes Casey when he plays electric, but the judges constantly harp on the contestants not to show the same persona every week.)
Several contestants fell into that mediocre middle ground — not so awful that you grit your teeth, but also not particularly memorable. Michael Lynche, Didi Benami, Paige Adams, and Aaron Kelly, step right up. Michael was one of the few brave enough to tackle a later Stones Tune, “Miss You,” and wisely changed up the arrangement to give the song more range and a more R&B flavor. I remember thinking after the performance that (because I expected everyone to suck) it would be one of the better performances of the evening. It wasn’t in hindsight, but it was decent. The dancing was bad though — how can a man that big look that effeminate? Didi’s “Playing With Fire” was good for one verse; then she simply repeated the vocal twice more and by the end I was nodding off. I thought it was a good choice for her to try to climb out of the Lisa Loeb box — she’s going to have to sooner or later — but she should be grateful that some of the real trainwrecks followed. Paige has apparently been fighting a throat infection, and she needs to keep that laryngitis around all season, as this was the best she’s sounded. On the other hand, she’s completely unoriginal, doing a note-for-note copy of the Ike and Tina version of “Honky Tonk Woman.” Aaron wisely chose “Angie,” one of the few Stones ballad hits, perhaps knowing that he’d be laughed off stage trying to sing anything else. I still loathe him, but I can’t fault his singing last night, because it was flawless (and boring).
That leaves four have-nots – Lacey Brown, Andrew Garcia, Tim Urban, and Katie Stevens — and the less said about these performances the better. Lacey constantly wandered off-key doing “Ruby Tuesday,” and all she accomplishes by sitting down every week is convincing me that even she’s getting sleepy. Andrew stunned me with his choice of “Gimme Shelter,” a song I did not expect to see tonight. It wasn’t good, but at least it wasn’t a Christina Aguilera song. Katie, who really had no good song options this week, picked “Wild Horses” (crowing alert: I predicted to F.K. yesterday that both “Angie” and “Wild Horses” would be chosen by contestants afraid of rock songs), and was okay but completely forgettable. I’m convinced that Katie is going to break out during Debbie Gibson week. Finally, Tim Urban was hands down the worst of the week, with a dreadful reggae rendition of “Under My Thumb” that failed on every level. Hopefully, his publicist “leaked” more shirtless pictures between 9 and midnight last night to score him an extra few votes with the crowd who finds that appealing.
After last week’s results show massacre, I probably shouldn’t make predictions here, but I will anyway. (And no, I don’t really miss Lilly.) Bottom three: Tim, Lacey, Andrew. Going home: Tim.
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